I Don't Feel Like Fasting Today
So I wander if I should listen to something besides my feelings. I could start with the Bible. People in the Bible fasted. Sometimes it was required, like on the Day of Atonement. Jews still keep this fast. I wonder how many of them don't feel like it. But people fasted at other times too. Moses fasted for 40 days, as did Elijah and Jesus. Paul fasted for three after seeing a vision of Jesus. Nehemiah fasted when he heard the news of the state of Jerusalem. David fasted many times, even for his enemies (Psalm 35:13). I wonder if their hearts were always in it when they fasted. Did they at some point say "I don't really feel like fasting today," but still fasted?
Maybe feelings follow actions. I know they say that about marriage. Keep loving and serving your spouse even when you don't like them, and eventually your feelings will catch up. I wonder if I keep this fast, will I eventually feel better about it? More importantly, what will happen to my feelings for God? Will giving up food to draw close to God make me love Him more? Will I appreciate Him more? Will I feel closer to Him? Will I be more willing to lay down my life for Him?
I woke up with a headache. Not the caffeine withdrawal headache I will experience later. Just a regular headache that happens to coincide with my first day of fasting. Then the kids were crazier than usual. I barely got them out the door on time to catch the bus. I know I will get more irritable after missing a meal or two, but I was already irritable before I missed anything. I don't think today is a good day to begin a fast. Maybe I should just put it off for a few days.
I have actually been putting off this fast for a while anyway. I really felt a conviction to do it a couple months ago. But it is never a good time to start a fast. There is always that dinner or family event coming up in a couple of days. Some days I don't feel up to it physically. I don't want to deprive my body if I have the sniffles. And some days I just don't want to. Wait... that's every day.
I've always thought you have to have the right attitude and motivation to begin a fast. After all, it's what's in your heart that counts more than the outward act. So I thought that if I wasn't feeling "into it" or feeling "spiritual" then I should just skip fasting. Not long ago, I broke a one day fast after a couple of hours because I just wasn't feeling it. Why go through the motions if my heart isn't there? But I have discovered I never "feel it" especially on a day I have determined to fast.
So I wander if I should listen to something besides my feelings. I could start with the Bible. People in the Bible fasted. Sometimes it was required, like on the Day of Atonement. Jews still keep this fast. I wonder how many of them don't feel like it. But people fasted at other times too. Moses fasted for 40 days, as did Elijah and Jesus. Paul fasted for three after seeing a vision of Jesus. Nehemiah fasted when he heard the news of the state of Jerusalem. David fasted many times, even for his enemies (Psalm 35:13). I wonder if their hearts were always in it when they fasted. Did they at some point say "I don't really feel like fasting today," but still fasted?
Maybe feelings follow actions. I know they say that about marriage. Keep loving and serving your spouse even when you don't like them, and eventually your feelings will catch up. I wonder if I keep this fast, will I eventually feel better about it? More importantly, what will happen to my feelings for God? Will giving up food to draw close to God make me love Him more? Will I appreciate Him more? Will I feel closer to Him? Will I be more willing to lay down my life for Him?
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