Adding to the Noise

This post may be one of my most "unspiritual" topics. I have yet to find a scripture that addresses Richard Branson memes, or one that talks about speculating the next Apple product. But here's the rub: social media has become a driving force of our lives, even of those who don't use it. It has become the primary place to share information. We learn more about what's going on in the world from Facebook than the evening News on TV or the paper (Do they even make those anymore?) or from actually talking to people (No one does that anymore). But a flood of information does not necessarily make us smarter or more informed. It does not broaden out perspectives. In fact, studies show that it narrows them. We become more entrenched in our own perspectives, our own communities of like-minded people. Alternative views become absurd and outsiders become enemies. 

But it doesn't have to be like that. We can use the social media as a toll to share ideas, promote healthy dialog, and bridge the gaps between humans and other humans. We can, but we have to change the way we use it. We've been doing it wrong. But here's how we can do it better.

Before you share that article on Facebook, that blog post on Twitter, please stop and think about a couple of things first.

1) No Cats. There are enough cute cat videos on the internet already. They are easily available to all who want them. You don't have to ever post one again. Seriously, stop it.

2) Own It. Everything you post becomes your words. "I don't agree with the author when he said, 'we all need to watch porn to have a good marriage,' I just posted it to get people thinking."  Malarkey! That's like the junior high girl that says "I didn't start the rumor, I just passed it along." If you post something you are endorsing it. People will associate you with those words. Take your words seriously. If you feel something needs to be passed along but you disagree with a major part of it, qualify it with a brief explanation. "I don't agree with everything he says, but he really got me thinking about..." or something like that.

3) Be Polite. How you say it is as important as what you say. Sometimes I read Matt Walsh. I agree with his overall point at least 2/3 of the time. But I don't usually pass his posts along. I seldom agree with the spirit of his writing . He is notorious for belittling and ridiculing those who disagree with him(and there are many that are far worse than him). That does not add to dialog and understanding. That does not get people thinking. It only entrenches people further in their own views. If you agree with what is said, you applaud. If you disagree you are offended. Yes, Jesus used this strategy occasionally. If you are as right about everything as Jesus, you may use it too If not, post in humility. Even I get things wrong from time to time. 

4) Sources Count. Everything you read on the internet is not true. Hard to believe, I know. But there are unscrupulous people who put rumor, conjecture, and outright fabrications on the internet masquerading as facts. Everyone can be biased, and everyone gets things wrong from time to time, but not all sources are equal. If you post an article about how Obama ruined the economy from the website republicansruledemsdrool.com it will probably not contain good  unbiased information. Real journalists cite their sources. It's easy to Google and confirm if something is true from a variety of places. If you are in doubt about whether something is true, then it is gossip.

5) Motive Matters. We all think we are righter about something than someone else. and having an opinion is not wrong. But why is it necessary to share these this idea? Is it to show how hip you are? Does it make you look smart? Does it make you feel good to reaffirm your beliefs, to belittle someone, to prove a point? Do you need to stick it to those other guys? Or do you genuinely think you can help others? Will your words promote love, and understanding? Will they add something besides noise to public discourse? Will they glorify God? "Fools find no pleasure in understanding,but delight in airing their own opinions." (Proverbs 18:2)

Seek understanding.

And seriously, enough with the cats.

If You Want your Kids to Be Normal, Do What Everyone Else is Dong

#98631142 / gettyimages.com

I'm back! I have not published a word on this blog in almost three months. New job and all. So today I have to rant loudly enough to make up for the silence (it's in the blogger code).

As a father of three, I am faced with new challenges daily. My kids often desire the things that are not so good for them. They want to eat lots of junk food and not so much vegetables. They want to watch lots of TV, but not get exercise. They want to wear the clothes and watch the movies and do the things they see their friends doing. They want to be normal.

But I'm not too big on normal, especially normal kids. I am not happy with what I see normal kids do. Normal kids witness acts of violence*, or are victims of abuse. Normal kids are greedy and self-centered. A lot of normal kids are overweight and unhealthy. They usually start drinking alcohol and having sex in high school (or sooner). Normal kids don't put a lot of thought into serving others Normal kids don't aspire to follow Jesus. They usually loose what little faith they had when they get to college. And normal kids grow up to be normal adults, well adjusted chasers of the American dream. Normal kids do not grow up to be world-changers.

So think about it for a minute. If you want to see your kids rise above the materialism and narcissism of our times, then this advice may not be for you. But if you want them to be normal here are a few things you should try.

Watch more TV. All the experts agree that this is an unhealthy trend, that kids need to play outside or read or otherwise engage their minds. Add that to the fact that a lot of TV programming reinforces beliefs an values that you probably disagree with. But most kids watch a LOT of TV. A survey last year in TIME reports that kids are watching more TV than ever, an average of 35 hours a week. That's almost a full-time job of watching TV, and that doesn't include time spent with other electronic devices like computers and tablets. Are your kids measuring up? If you want to be normal, take away their excess books and don't let them go outside. By all means, don't encourage them to get involved in sports or hobbies. Make sure they don't fall behind all the shows their friends watch. Set them down in front of that glorious rectangle and watch their brain cells atrophy.

Spend more time apart. Most kids don't get to see a lot of their parents. Why should yours be any different?  Parents spend an average of eight hours a week with their kids, just over an hour a day. Many admit that much of this time is often spent in front of the TV as well. So if you want your kids to turn out normal, arrange your lives so you get as little of that awkward parent-child interaction as possible. First, get a job where you have to work a lot. If you don't get at least 50 hours a week at work, then get a second job or a time-consuming hobby that does not involve your family. Waste lots of time commuting by living as far out in the suburbs as possible. Then fill your family's remaining time with busy things like sports, church activities, music lessons, civic groups, PTA, etc.. Along with a vigorous diet of TV watching and smartphone use, you will soon forget what your children's faces even look like. And that is actually one of the keys to helping them be normal.

Give them more stuff. It almost goes without saying; if you aren't going to be around for your kids, you need to earn their love buy buying them a multitude of things. It may be lots of small things. This is especially true for the young ones. Buy them a new gift any time you take them to the store. As they grow older, they will need bigger toys: Xboxes, dirt bikes, trampolines, ipads, the latest clothes. Don't worry if you actually have the money for this. Go into debt a little for your kids' amusement. They're worth it. And even when the toy breaks or lies abandoned in the yard, even when they ask for something else, with no recollection of the last thing you got them, you will know that you have helped them be more normal. Now they aren't the only kid at their school who doesn't have one. Pity that kid.

Don't pray with your kids. Grace at dinnertime is fine, but don't get all freaky religious with your kids. Don't let them see you pour your heart out to God. Never read the Bible with them or have discussions about God. That's what the children's program at church is for. By all means, don't open up your life, your struggles, your thoughts, your aspirations. Never admit you don't know the answer to something. Just make something up and change the topic as soon as possible. Keep everything surface level. Anything more than that is just weird. And those tender young minds just take things so literally. So if they hear some of that stuff Jesus said without the proper explanations they might do something crazy like give away their possessions, go out of their way to help people, or (God forbid) talk to someone about their faith. And those things are just not normal.




* I strive to be factual, even in my sarcasm, so feel free to follow the links embedded in the text for references to my stats and more info about these important issues.

An Open Letter to my Traditional/ Evangelical/Conservative Christian Friends

Dear Christians who are more traditional, evangelical, and generally less flaky than me,

After I wrote my last letter, I thought a lot about you. While you were applauding me for sticking it to those other guys, I hope you don't think I just wrote it for them.  Even though I have a strong respect for you and your beliefs, some of the things you do and say really worry me.  I want to share a few things with you as well, some friendly advice to help us get along better as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Stop making me feel uncomfortable to disagree with you about stuff.  I often feel uncomfortable around you, and I agree with you about a lot of things. Imagine how uncomfortable the average unbeliever would feel when you start talking. You are not winning anyone to Christ by ridiculing the politicians, or airing your opinions about immigration or healthcare. What do these have to do with the Gospel? You are creating barriers. Learn what is important in life (knowing Jesus, loving God and others) and spend your time and effort on that. Also work to create an environment where people feel free to ask difficult questions and share unorthodox views without being ostracized (see the next point). It is also helpful to keep some of your opinions to yourself, especially around people you don't know very well.

You don't understand everything about the Bible. Quit pretending you do. It makes you come off as arrogant. You may, to some degree, understand your system of interpreting the Bible. You may even be right about several things. More than likely you are wrong about some things too. It's OK if your interpretation is  wrong, because your interpretation is not God's Word. Don't say things like, "The Bible says 'Christians are going to be raptured before/after/in the middle of the great tribulation.'" Say, "this is what I think the Bible is saying about this topic." Realize that just because other people disagree with your interpretation, does not mean they do not respect the Bible, or that they hate God.

Learn to Learn. A lot of people accuse you of being uneducated masses, that only a simpleton could believe and follow the Bible, that you only hold your beliefs because you have never been exposed to anything else. This, of course, is not true. I have known many very intelligent people who believe as you do. But you kind of have a reputation for saying things like "everything I need to know is in the Bible," even though the Bible does not say that (Psalm 143:5, Prov 18:15, 1 Thess 5:21). So read more, and not just pop-evangelical authors, like Max Lucado or John Piper. Read classics. Read contemporary works. Read fiction. You can learn a lot about people from the stories they tell. Read poetry. Listen to music. Learn about other cultures. Accept that you do not know everything about everything. Realize you can even learn things from people who disagree with you.

Stick to your guns. That is, if you have picked the right guns. "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world." (2 Corinthians 10:4). At the end of the day you can read and listen to a host of voices. It will make you a more rounded person. It will make you an effective communicator. It may even change your mind about some of your deeply held opinions. But it does not change what is True. If you believe people who don't know Jesus will go to hell, then don't stop talking about it just because it's unpopular. That just makes you a jerk who cares more about what people think of you than saving someone's life. Sift out the bad, but hold on to the Good. Your job is not to become more like the trendy, open-minded, progressive Christians. It is to become more like Jesus. Make that your aim and you will do well.

Your bro,
Zach

An Open Letter to My Enlightened/Progressive/Open-Minded Christian Friends

Dear Christians who are smarter, hipper, and more open-minded than I am,

I ran across this article in the Huffington Post a couple weeks ago, from a self proclaimed Christian telling other Christians to shut up and play nice with everyone else. I agreed with a couple of things he said, but found most of it really irritating. I hear this kind of thing from a growing number of voices, many of them are people that I genuinely like and consider my brothers and sisters. We can not deny that there is a growing divide between those of you who fancy yourselves open minded, progressive, or enlightened Christians (even though you'd never say it like that), and those who call themselves Biblical, evangelical, or "true " Christians (and they would say it that way). What worries me the most, and what prompted me to write this letter is the fear that many of your type of Jesus-followers actually feel they have more in common with progressive atheists and secular types than with other Jesus-followers who hold different political perspectives or different interpretations of the Bible.

I'm sorry the rest of us have been embarrassing you so much. That is not our intent. But we are a family, and everyone has family members they are embarrassed of. We love them anyway. I agree that a lot of Christians need to be a lot less vocal about a lot of things.  It is so easy to get distracted about what the main thing is. Our job is not to influence public opinion or voting habits. It is not to create a "Christian nation" or a "moral majority."  Our job is to proclaim the kingdom of God and work to see it come "on earth as it is in heaven." Our job is to serve without recognition and love without reward, to live like Jesus. That is what will change the world. Keep reminding us of that.

Now I'd like to respectfully offer some advice.

Let the people you disagree with have a voice. There is a difference between shoving something down peoples throats and humbly affirming a truth you hold. Despite our high ideal of free speech, society has a tendency to shut out voices that do not conform to the norms. Often, I feel like certain Christians want to shut out the voices of certain other Christians whom they feel are giving the word "Christian" a bad name. It happens on both sides of the divide. I don't think that is a healthy way to approach our differences. When we can no longer come together in respectful dialog, we just deepen the divide that separates us. We also prove that we do not have the love of the Father in us.

Respect faith, even if (and maybe especially if) you don't believe the same thing. I think you often misunderstand what faith is. Faith is believing in something that can not be proven or falsified. So ridiculing someone's faith because it can not be proven just shows your own ignorance. Now, a lot of Christian types put their faith in a lot of different things, not all of them are right or helpful. But please stop criticizing them for having faith. If, for example, someone believes that the Bible is infallible and inerrant, they are not giving a scientifically verifiable statement, they are sharing a tenant of their faith. There are reasons people hold this view derived both from the text of the Bible, and the history of its transmission. Agree or disagree, you can not deny that it's a tenable statement of someone's deeply held belief. Similar things could be said about other beliefs you don't agree with, such as: six day creation, substitutionary atonement, and eternal conscious torment in hell. Remember that there are those who would ridicule your faith as well, just because they don't get it. Faith is a difficult thing to keep a hold of. Give some props to those do.

Stop worrying about what is popular or trending. Right now it is becoming more and more popular to affirm homosexual marriage and deny homosexual acts as sin. Popular opinion should have absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you support gay marriage. For too many it does. As followers of Jesus, our motivations should be how to best reflect God's holiness, goodness, and love in society and in our lives. If that motivation leads you to affirm gay marriage, then good for you. But don't talk about society changing and us needing to change with it. Don't talk about being progressive or open minded. Don't remind us that we are living in the 21st century. You are not winning any conservative types to your cause when you do. Talk about being Christ-like. That's an ideal we can agree on even if we disagree on some of the details about how we apply that today.

It's not all about love. I hear a lot of talk about love these days. I like to talk about love a lot myself. It's the part of the gospel that non-believers like to hear about. It sounds nice, at least until you try and live it out. In truth, the love we are taught by Jesus is so radically higher than anything we see or experience that we need to spend a huge amount of our time figuring out what it means and even more time trying to do it. However, reducing the whole of the Bible's teaching to "love" is like reducing the plot of "Inception" to "it's about dreams." The message of the Gospel is far too complex to reduce to a single unifying principle. I kind of like it that way. I reminds me that God is a lot bigger and more complex than we are. If God were easy to figure out, he wouldn't be God.

It is a lot about love. So let's work on loving each other. The love taught by Jesus is revolutionary. It brings together enemies. It breaks down the barriers of nationality, race, economic status, gender, and political ideology. I think the love of Jesus could break down the barriers between different kinds of Christians as well.  Well, it's a long shot, but I think it's a really good place to start.

I love you. Let's be friends.

Your bro,
Zach

Why Abercrombie and Fitch Won't Go Out of Business

No one wants to be the fat kid. But many of us are. In fact, studies show that obesity rates have nearly doubled to 35% in the last twenty years (perhaps we'll discuss gluttony another day). Americans are getting fatter, but we loathe ourselves for it.

Enter Abercrombie and Fitch. The clothing retailer has made a business out of clothing the thin, cool, sexy kids. Not the fat kids like many of us. A&F doesn't even make clothes the majority of people can fit into. Their womens' line stops at size 10, even though the average woman in America is size 12. CEO, Mike Jeffries, explained his marketing strategy in a 2006 interview.

"In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."

Some people have fought back against Abercrombie and Fitch lately. My favorite is a campaign to give away Abercrombie apparel to the homeless. Nothing tarnishes the brand's young sexy image like seeing it on a drunk Vietnam vet. Forbes Magazine recently predicted Jeffries' insensitive comments would "wreck the brand." That won't happen. Fitch has staying power, and here's why.

Envy and Pride. These traits that have been plaguing us since the time of Cain and Abel. It hasn't gotten any better since. People want what they don't have. If they have "it", they want to be envied, to be given worth by having whatever "it" is. 150 years ago "it" was a full figure, at least for women. Since the masses were underfed, people who could afford to be fat were at the center of society. If A&F were around in 1870, they wouldn't have sold any sizes under seven. You don't want the brand tarnished by twiggy emaciated laborers. In 2013, food is abundant and cheap. It's easy to be fat. It takes discipline, and usually money to maintain a thin sexy figure. So being abnormally thin has become the desirable trait. If everyone could do it, it wouldn't be desirable anymore.

I admire brands like Dove, who make a concerted effort to idealize normal healthy women. In the end, their efforts will have little impact on our view of body image. People will still envy what they can not attain to. As long as food is cheap and abundant, filled with high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils, then thin will remain the enviable status. 

The cure isn't in stopping obesity. If we get everyone to a healthy weight (which would be great) we will just change our perspective and find someone new to envy. The cure isn't in learning to love our bodies, no matter how healthy or unhealthy they may be. Self-Idolatry is no more healthy than our idolizing of others. The cure is love. I don't say this out of a vague sentimentality. I say it because the Bible says it. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." (1 Cor 13:4)

Abercombie and Fitch will continue to make money selling immodest clothes to undersized women, until we learn to love each other, accepting each other as people made in the image of God. Love requires that we rid ourselves of pride when we have what others desire, and envy when we want what others have. I don't see that happening any time soon, but I long for it as I long for the kingdom to come.



Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/abercrombie-wants-thin-customers-2013-5#ixzz2TNJ7O1Bd

http://www.forbes.com/sites/daviatemin/2013/05/13/abercrombie-and-fitch-v-dove-or-how-a-ceo-can-wreck-a-brand-in-1-interview-7-years-ago/

The Facebook Fast

I did the three-day Facebook fast over the weekend. I don't think anyone knew I was gone. Fortunately my wife was not taking the fast, so I didn't miss out an an event a friend of ours posted about at the last minute. As a part of the fast, I read through "Unfriend Yourself" By Kyle Tennant. It's a short read. You find it here on  Amazon.

The fast and the questions raised by the book got me thinking. The conclusions drawn by the author were rather lukewarm. In the end, he keeps doing Facebook and advises using it in moderation. I was hoping for something a little more radical. "Use it in moderation" lacks the romance of "Down with the Evil Empire!" But I will probably keep my Facebook account as well, so what can I say?

I have known several people over the years have quit Facebook at some point, usually on strong moral grounds. Most of them are back on. Is there really a moral issue to social networking? Is it just their resistance to change, their discomfort with the rapid development of technology? Or is there something inherently wrong with the world we have created and the way we have learned to relate to each other online?

Tennant correctly points our in his book that the setting of social media is designed to promote ourselves. Never before have we had the opportunity to dress up our lives in such a way. We have always been able to put on the right clothes and try to say the right things. But Facebook (and similar media) give us the power to create an image. We pick the best pictures for our profile. We like the things we want people to associate with us (whether or not we actually like them). We post the good things, the clever things. We don't have to mention anything that might make us look bad. Facebook never created sections in the profile for "Common Vices," "Failed Relationships," or "Emotional Baggage." Facebook can be a lot like building a  beautiful statue... of ourselves, an idol to present to others for the worship of "likes."

The key barrier of building relationships is getting past image we put up of ourselves to impress others. We don't know others or allow ourselves to be known. We all have dirt under our nails and skeletons in our closet, but we try the our best to keep them hidden. The more distance we keep between ourselves and others, the better we keep this image in place. Social media creates an environment for keeping people at arms length. We gravitate toward Facebook precisely because it keeps us from the pain and vulnerability of authentic communion with others.

I have concluded a few things from this weekend. Feel free to glean any wisdom that may apply to you. I have a deep personal struggle with pride. I keep people at arms length. I live to keep up a gleaming image of myself, afraid that if people know the real me, they wouldn't like me. Facebook has been helping me feed the lie of perfection. Can I use Facebook to be more authentic? Maybe. But I think I will be more authentic the less time I spend there.

Social Networking has its place. If you're trying to promote yourself, write a book, start a business,or  raise funds for a cause - Facebook and the like can help you. Use it. If you're trying to post as many memes of cats as possible, please stop, it's getting old. If you're trying to build relationships, invite someone to coffee or a meal, write a letter(with paper and ink), or pick up the phone and call them. I'm going to try spending a little more time this week doing the later.

Black Friday-Golden Rule

I don't do Black Friday.  It's not a moral choice, but a practical one.  For a guy who isn't too crazy about shopping anyway, getting up at 4 am, standing in lines, dealing with crazy traffic, all to get a deal?  No thanks!  But I have to admit, I am tempted by some of the deals coming out Thursday evening this year.

For millions of Americans, Black Friday has become a staple.  And it is quickly becoming Black Thursday night as well.  People go crazy for a deal.  Things, whether to satisfy their own lust, or to lavish on others in exchange for love have become the centerpiece of the holiday season.  I will not go into how commercial idolatry is destroying Christmas, that will be a rant for another day.  But I am concerned about how commercial idolatry is ruining Thanksgiving, and ruining people all throughout the year.

Think about it for a minute.  For stores to open at 8 pm on Thanksgiving Day, how early do you think people have to be there, stocking shelves and preparing displays for the massive sales to begin?  It doesn't take a mathematician to  figure out that a number of people in retail are spending most of their Thanksgiving Holiday at work.  The trend is to open earlier and earlier.  In a few years, it will probably be a holiday tradition to go hit the stores in the early afternoon on Thanksgiving while your food settles. 

The thing that keeps coming to my mind is Matthew 7:12.  "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (NIV)  This simple teaching is so broad, so all consuming,  that I am often overwhelmed when I try and think of how to live it out.  I am so far from actually obeying this rule in every part of my life, that I just don't know where to start.  So let's start with shopping.  I am going to try and live out the golden rule in my holiday shopping this year.  Do you want to join me?  Here is what we are going to do.

Before we go out to get that awesome deal at 8pm on Thanksgiving, we ask ourselves;  "Would I want to have to work at a retail establishment on Thanksgiving?"  If the answer is "no" then we stay home.  When we go out on Friday (or any other day during the tumultuous holiday shopping season), and there is a long line and the cashier seems to be going too slow and we're frustrated because we are about to miss the deal at the next store, we ask ourselves, "If I were this cashier how would I want to be treated?"  Then we do whatever it is we were thinking.  Like the rest of us, cashiers like to be acknowledged as a human.  They like smiles and words of affirmation.  Although most are not allowed to accept gifts or tips, we can find ways to show our appreciation.

What about the other shoppers?  How might they want to be treated?  We could start by not acting annoyed at them when they are holding up a line.  Maybe if we see someone with a large load, we could offer to help them carry it.  We could take people's carts back for them in the parking lot, especially the elderly and people with small kids.  Maybe we could slow things down a bit too.  If we just give ourselves a little extra time when we go out, we won't be too rushed to offer courtesy and help to others.

This is a work in progress, not an exhaustive list. What other ways can we live out the Golden Rule during the holiday season?