A Different Kind of Hunger: Day Three: A Steady Stream

Three Days.
This is now the longest fast I have ever done. 

I felt nauseous and weak this morning. I took a little juice mixed with water, and was soon feeling pretty normal. I felt ok most of the day and didn't feel too hungry until dinner time, even though I went to two birthday parties.  As the afternoon wore on I began feeling some gas pain in my abdomen. I also felt colder than normal, and a bit more irritable at the kids.

Megan got the kids pizza ($3.99 large at Dominos, what a deal!). When I smelled the pizza I knew that pizza was the answer to all my problems. It would make me happy, and full. It would make all my pain go away. Pizza would give me instant energy. It would even make me love my children more. Pizza is life!

This morning I read the account of Jesus fasting for 40 days in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. It seems like Jesus went into the wilderness in order to be tempted. Fasting is not a magic shield against temptation and fleshly desire. In fact, the fasting directly led to Satan's first big temptation - break the fast. Use your Jesus powers to make bread and eat it. After all, you know you can.

I don't have Jesus powers to make stone into bread, but I have the power to eat. My house is full of food. There are dozens of restaurants and stores within a mile of my house to go get a hot meal. Maybe that's why Jesus went to the wilderness to fast. In fact, The only people the Bible mentions doing a 40 day fast (Moses Elijah, and Jesus) did so in the wilderness alone. Might be something to that.

I love how Jesus answered Satan. The reason he didn't break his fast - "Man does not live on bread alone." He knew bread could satiate his hunger, but it could not satisfy all his needs. He could not abandon the greater need to satisfy the lesser.

Here's how The Message puts it, "It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God’s mouth.” (Matt 4:4) I've been trying to meditate on these words throughout the day.

We think we can't live one day without food, which is false, but we think hearing God's voice is optional. Maybe on Sunday, or whenever we get to it. We have it backwards. We need a steady stream of words from God. We need it more than food. And when we miss it we are missing a big part of life.

Oh how I want to get to the point where a day without hearing from God, without meditating on his words leaves me feeling the hunger I feel today. My aim is to want to be with God more than I want a hot cheesy slice of pizza. Every once in a while I am there for a few brief moments. Those are the best moments.


If you want to know a more complete story of my journey into fasting. Check out the rest of the series.
A Different Kind of Hunger
Day One: Feelings
Day Two: Waking up Hungry

A Different Kind of Hunger: Day Two: Waking up Hungry

All hunger is not the same.

Today I woke up feeling genuinely hungry, the hungriest I remember feeling in recent history. At the same time, I felt so nauseous that I was sure anything entering my body would be immediately expelled. Throughout the day my hunger grew and faded. At times I became engrossed in whatever I was doing and I felt no hunger at all. Other times I felt a dull ache. A few times when circumstance forced me to see and smell food, the hunger was almost overpowering.

I wasn't truly in need of food any more when I saw and smelled it than when my mind was on something else? I think most of our  "hunger" is a perception. We see food and think we need it. I feel no hungrier now as I type this than I did after missing my first breakfast.

Today I was reading from "Simplicity: Essays" by Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus. They explain how we think we need something because we see others have it. We don't actually need any of it, but the feeling that we do can be overpowering.  It got me thinking about the things I covet. They are many.

I actually have everything I need. I am well stocked.  I have an adequate place to live with all the necessary furnishings, a car that works. I have a guitar that I enjoy playing, books I enjoy reading. More than durable goods, I have a supportive family, great friends, and opportunities to do things I love. I am truly blessed. I need nothing.

So why I am I hungry for more things? Why do I wish I made more more? Why am I not content with my abundance?  My desire for things is just as much a perception as my desire for food. That is not to say I don't need things. We all need certain things. We need shelter, we need companionship. We need food. But we often grossly exaggerate how much we need these things.

But there are things we need. There is a deeper hunger that needs to be satisfied. It has nothing to do with food or cars or TVs or clothes. That is what I am trying to figure out how to fill. When I do, I will truly understand how man can live, not on bread alone, but every word that comes from the mouth of God.

A Different Kind of Hunger: Day One: Feelings

I Don't Feel Like Fasting Today

I woke up with a headache. Not the caffeine withdrawal headache I will experience later. Just a regular headache that happens to coincide with my first day of fasting. Then the kids were crazier than usual. I barely got them out the door on time to catch the bus. I know I will get more irritable after missing a meal or two, but I was already irritable before I missed anything. I don't think today is a good day to begin a fast. Maybe I should just put it off for a few days.

I have actually been putting off this fast for a while anyway. I really felt a conviction to do it a couple months ago. But it is never a good time to start a fast. There is always that dinner or family event coming up in a couple of days. Some days I don't feel up to it physically. I don't want to deprive my body if I have the sniffles. And some days I just don't want to. Wait... that's every day.

I've always thought you have to have the right attitude and motivation to begin a fast. After all, it's what's in your heart that counts more than the outward act. So I thought that if I wasn't feeling "into it" or feeling "spiritual" then I should just skip fasting. Not long ago, I broke a one day fast after a couple of hours because I just wasn't feeling it.  Why go through the motions if my heart isn't there? But I have discovered I never "feel it" especially on a day I have determined to fast.

So I wander if I should listen to something besides my feelings. I could start with the Bible. People in the Bible fasted. Sometimes it was required, like on the Day of Atonement. Jews still keep this fast. I wonder how many of them don't feel like it. But people fasted at other times too. Moses fasted for 40 days, as did Elijah and Jesus. Paul fasted for three after seeing a vision of Jesus. Nehemiah fasted when he heard the news of the state of Jerusalem. David fasted many times, even for his enemies (Psalm 35:13). I wonder if their hearts were always in it when they fasted. Did they at some point say "I don't really feel like fasting today," but still fasted?

Maybe feelings follow actions. I know they say that about marriage. Keep loving and serving your spouse even when you don't like them, and eventually your feelings will catch up. I wonder if I keep this fast, will I eventually feel better about it? More importantly, what will happen to my feelings for God? Will giving up food to draw close to God make me love Him more? Will I appreciate Him more? Will I feel closer to Him? Will I be more willing to lay down my life for Him?

A Different Kind of Hunger

There is an inherent danger in writing a post like this. 

As Jesus said, “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven ." (Matt 6:1)  I am doing an outwardly righteous act and telling everyone about it. Well not everyone, but at least my 10 to 12 loyal readers. The danger is, that I would fast to impress all of you, and therefore lose any spiritual benefit I might receive.

Rest assured, I did not decide to fast with any of you in mind. Writing about it was more of an afterthought. I am fasting because this is what I need in this stage of my spiritual journey. 

I lack self control. When I have and itch I scratch it. I mean this literally (Stop scratching yourself!) as well as figuratively. If I think of food I eat something. If I think of TV, I watch something. Whenever I'm tired I rest. Whenever life gets too hard, I back away. I have no stamina to suffer. I have no will to deny my base desires. And I think there are a lot of others like me.

There is far too little talk about fasting in our day. It is a forgotten discipline. I know a number of Christians who have told me they have never fasted.  It's not just that we don't practice the discipline that Jesus and the Apostles, and nearly every notable role model in the Bible practiced. Our lack of fasting is indicative of a bigger problem, a lifestyle that lacks restraint. 

We live in a culture of excess. There are fast food restaurants on every corner. Stores and credit card companies implore us to buy whatever our hearts desire without waiting. We surf an internet full of images sure to satisfy every sexual desire with the click of a mouse. But with all this, we find we are not satisfied at all. We have a different kind of hunger that money and sex and food will not satisfy.

And that is why I write. I do not write as the spiritual guru who has it all together. I am a fellow traveler. Learn from my experience, both the good and the bad. In the end, perhaps my journey will inspire others down this road as well. And if it does, then I will indeed receive my reward from my Father in heaven.

I have never done anything like this before. I have fasted for a day or two many times, or more frequently a meal or two. I am mildly hypoglycemic, so I am allowing myself some diluted juice as needed to complete my normal routine. Other than that, I plan to just drink water.

Today I am beginning a seven day fast. I will write a post each day to reflect on what I have experienced physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Thank you for accompanying me on my journey. I am excited to see what God will do.

I Shut Down the Government

Some might see this as a blessing. If all these agencies are "nonessential" then why don't we just leave them shut down.  But we've already decided we're going to pay those people anyway once we get over this shutdown. They are going to get paid for this time off, but we won't just go ahead and pay them now. Neither will we let them come back to work, even though the law now says we will pay them.  Wouldn't it make more sense to pay them now and have them actually do something for the good of the country? No, because when your budget is in a deficit, it makes more sense to just throw that money away.

And now they say we might default on our loans because we can't add new debt. How does that make sense?  New debt is for new expenses. Paying interest on new debt is not new debt. We shouldn't even be accumulating new debts because Congress has not authorized the government to spend money. That's why it shut down. But I digress.

It's my fault anyway. I shut down the government of the United States of America. Well, I got a little help from our elected officials and my 300 million compatriots. But we did it. Our elected officials are just doing what we elected them to do. They reflect our own idiocy. They represent us well.

I think the biggest tragedy of the "partial government shutdown" would be for us to sit and yell at our television screens for hours and never spend five minutes in front of a mirror examining our own complicity. We, Americans, Republican, Democrat, rich, poor, we made this mess, because we are the mess.

And so I want to share a few observations I have made. Far from a comprehensive list, these are a few lessons I have learned about myself, and my fellow Americans from the government shutdown of 2013. Maybe they will get you thinking a little.

It's easier to slap on a band-aid than heal someone.

It's not that God hasn't given us the ability to heal. We possess knowledge in many arts and sciences that are amazingly useful and practical. We can heal people, and we can heal systems. We could make the government run in a way that is less dramatic, more efficient, and probably a lot cheaper to run. But that would be such a big change. It's much easier to just make minor adjustments, to put band-aids on massive hemorrhages and hope the next Congress also votes to raise the debt ceiling when the time comes.

But we are no better. When our lives seem to be hopelessly headed in a wrong direction, we don't stop and examine ourselves. We adjust something here and tweak something there and hope it all works out. We do it with our finances, with our careers, with our relationships. Then we wonder why they keep failing.

Bad news makes us feel better about ourselves.

The story of the shutdown has been one of rumors and slander. Doomsday prophets tell us with glee how this crisis will destroy our economy, our country, and possibly even  the world. And it's all the other side's fault.

Rather than seeing the other side as human beings, we have demonized them in every way. That is why politicians can't get together. Who would negotiate with demons? Our mass media is primarily funded from this kind of behavior. It's also the means by which most of our officials procured their office.

It's said that no one wants to be the bearer of bad news, but that simply isn't true. We love to gossip up those who have gone astray. We love to share the juicy details of their faults. It does not make us better people, it just shows us that we are better than someone else, and that is good enough for us. As long as we are better than murderers and thieves and that tax collector standing over there, we feel pretty good about ourselves.

We don't value experience

60% of Americans want to vote all incumbents out of office(1). After all, they aren't doing their job.  But we often forget how many incumbents we have voted out of office. We also forget that it is largely first term congresspeople who are leading these stubborn ideological fights. Veteran congresspeople are the ones moving to the middle and trying to come up with a compromise for the common good. (I realize this is a generalization and there are exceptions.). Our Government needs people with experience.

Americans are notoriously individualistic. Like Franks Sinatra, we want to do it "my way." We don't like to listen to the wisdom of our elders. And we suffer for it. We can't keep recreating society, and we can't keep recreating ourselves. Our parents are not perfect, but they have important lessons to offer us. Our clergy, are imperfect, but they have walked with a lot of people through a lot of difficult situations, seek their wisdom. Seek the advice of the older people in your group.Seek mentorship. Hang out at a nursing home, not just to give back, but to gain. We need people with experience. If we don't learn this soon we will doom ourselves to repeating all the mistakes of past generations.

The buck stops somewhere else.

Congress blames the President. The President blames Congress. Republicans blame Democrats. Democrats blame Republicans. Everyone blames the media. Ironically, any one of these entities has the power to end this crisis, and does not. Perhaps they have a good reason for keeping it going, but rather than fess up to it, they just pass the blame.

But who are we to say any different. We just blame the "government" as if we did not elect them. It is the government's responsibility to feed people, and provide housing, and healthcare, and to wipe their noses when they get drippy. Whenever anything goes well, it is in spite of the government, and whenever something goes wrong - like a hurricane - it is the government's fault. I am not making a political point about our form of government. I am making a point about how we govern our own lives.

We have forgotten how to take responsibility for our actions, and so we should expect no better of our elected officials.

The Government is not the answer.

More than anything, this time of earthly crisis reminds me that my kingdom is not of this world. Far from an excuse to disengage and isolate myself from the problems of my fellow humans. It it is the freedom to act boldly to come to their aid. It reminds me that no matter how screwed up our earthly government gets, Right will prevail in the end. God wins! Keep up the good fight!

Let's take responsibility for what we've done and learn from it. Rather than rant about our broken political system,and the politicians you hate, take a cue from Michael Jackson.

"If you wanna make the world

A better place

Take a look at yourself

Then make a change." (2)

(1) According to an NBC/WSJ Poll on October 10, 2013, 60% of Americans want to recall the entire congress. http://firstread.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/10/10/20903531-nbcwsj-poll-60-percent-say-fire-every-member-of-congress

(2) "Man in the Mirror" was written by Glen Ballard and Seidah Garrett, but made popular by Michael Jackson

I am What I Believe or Why There Aren't More Free-Thinking Homeless Selters

Can you just do good Christiany things like help the poor but leave out all that crazy theology?

The friendly atheist, Hemant Mehta posed this question in regards to a group of Christians in Texas who raised up donations to help one of their atheist adversaries. You can check out the story here. At the end of the story Hemant summed up this idea.

"Unless we find a way to replicate that sense of community without the need for supernatural nonsense, churches aren't going to dwindle in number anytime soon." (Hemant, is of course assuming it would be a good thing for churches to dwindle in number.)

Regardless of how many churches close down, atheists will never create this kind of community. The atheists will at best make a pitiful copy of the good things Christians are doing as they try to follow Jesus.  It is the doctrine, the "supernatural nonsense" that drives people to make the world a better place. There is a fundamental reason that you don't see too many atheistic orphanages and "free-thinking"  homeless shelters. It is no accident that hospitals got their start as Christian charities in the middle ages. It is not a coincidence that the Red Cross has the word "cross" in it's name. For all the bad things you could say about Christians, faith in Christ has led people to do some amazingly sacrificial things for their fellow people. Without works, faith is dead, but without faith, works don't get done.

Take the doctrine of "imago Dei," God's image.  This concept is a cornerstone of Christian theology. "God created mankind in his own image. In his image he created them." (Genesis 1:27) People aren't just animals with big brains running around. They were made in God's image, they reflect his glory. and when I look at the face of my sister human, I see a little bit of the God who made her. My sin against her is a sin against God himself. My service to her is a service to God. It is sacred worship.

It also matters what I think of Jesus. I hold that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Word of God became flesh. I believe he died and rose from the dead and was exalted in the heavenly (unseen) realm. Can someone follow Jesus without believing in all that Son of God and Resurrection stuff.

Can you just follow Jesus as a great moral teacher?

No, not unless you're an idiot.

Jesus is not scientific. Jesus defies logic. He tells me things like "woe to you when people speak well of you." Logic tells me I am on the right track if a lot of people think I'm doing good. Our whole political system revolves around that truth.  Jesus tells me the opposite. Jesus also tells me crazy things like, "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Just like what those Christians in Texas did.

My faith often borders on insanity, telling me to ignore everything that my observation and my logic tell me are right. Telling me to trust in Jesus. You don't give a nice dead guy that much latitude. If he seems crazy, drop him and find a better way.

But if he's Lord, if he rose from the dead in the flesh, then follow him to death.

And that is where I stand. I follow Jesus for who he is. If I did not believe Jesus died and rose from the dead, I would probably not love my enemies. I would probably not serve the poor and the foreigners. If Jesus is not Lord, I would not waste my life on others hoping for a better resurrection.

I believe what I believe

It's what makes me what I am

I did not make it,

No it is making me*

An if you want me to keep being good, it is indispensable that I keep believing this truth. If you convince me all this Jesus stuff is a lie, it will not be good for the people around me. Natural philosophy does not offer me an adequate reason to keep being a moral decent person. I would be just good enough to be liked and to get what I want in life. It does not show me why I should love my wife and give up myself for her. A Godless ethic will not make me honest or self controlled. It will not lead me to make any sacrifices for the "greater good." Maybe some of you can do it without Jesus, I can not. I am not strong enough.

It is necessary for the good of the world, or at least the good of my little corner of the world that I continue to believe what I believe. And to keep a hold of that belief, I must believe what I know has been revealed to me by God.

It is the very truth of God

not the invention of any man*

If you wish to look at my faith from a pragmatic, utilitarian point of view, it is better for me to believe all that crazy doctrine of Jesus than to disbelieve. I believe in the Good and so I am becoming good. I am what I believe.

* Rich Mullins, "Creed" 1993.

Where Would Jesus Live?

Jesus never owned a home, and perhaps that should be more significant to us than it is. "Foxes have dens and birds have nests." It's hard to get caught up in the things of this world when you are constantly on the move, staying at one or another house, sleeping under the stars in between. 

But the Bible never condemns living in a house (it's usually assumed) or even owning a home. In many situations, owning a home is the best way to steward the resources God has given you. 

But does it matter where you buy a home? Where you rent? Where you park your trailer?  Does the gospel effect things as trivial as the place we set up our domicile. 

On the one hand, a decision to follow Jesus is a decision to take the life you have right where you are and let God redeem it. Grow where you're planted. Remain where you were when you were called. (1 Cor 7:20). You don't have to move anywhere to follow Jesus.

On the other hand, following Jesus is so transformative that it can not but effect every decision in our lives. Jesus said take up your cross and follow me. That is a complete life changing self-denial. Everything is on the table: my job, my friends, my money... even my house.

The American Dream tells us to work hard and make money so we can buy a nice house in the suburbs. A place with a little land, and a big back yard for barbecues, maybe even a pool. In my part of the country, the dream for many is to get a piece of land outside of town. Quiet. Peaceful. Relaxing. No traffic. No annoying neighbors, trespassing kids or loud music. 

I have been examining this phenomenon in the light of the gospel imperative to serve others. How can I serve others if I don't live near others?

Elbow room keeps people away. No one can deny that our neighborhoods are less friendly, and more disconnected than they were 50 years ago. This has a lot to do with the fact that our neighborhoods have spread out so much. The average size of a house lot has increased threefold since 1950. We enter our spacious houses through a three car garage. Our kids play in the backyard. We are lucky to know the name of more than two people that live within a quarter mile of us.

Jesus moved a lot. His early childhood was a series of moves: Bethlehem to Egypt, Egypt to Nazareth. As an adult, Jesus moved from his hometown to the seaside town of Capernaum to be in an ideal location to rub shoulders with more people. Jesus' first move was the biggest. He moved out of the heavenly realm in to flesh and bone to be among us. In theology, we call this the incarnation, the taking on of flesh, making his dwelling among us (John 1:14). Jesus inconvenienced himself to be with people, to serve people, to love people, to be a person.

Do our spacious rural and suburban plots allow us to follow a God who left the glories heaven to become human? Or are they merely an attempt to escape the difficulties of earth, to create our own little heaven here and now? 

I don't believe everyone needs to move to a crowded apartment in order to follow Jesus. But we need to allow God to redeem our thinking about where we live. We will be living in just the right place when we stop looking at our house as our refuge from the world, and find our refuge in God alone. We will be living where Jesus lives when we make our home a tool in his hand to love and serve those around us.