Monday, May 6, 2013

The Facebook Fast



I did the three-day Facebook fast over the weekend. I don't think anyone knew I was gone. Fortunately my wife was not taking the fast, so I didn't miss out an an event a friend of ours posted about at the last minute. As a part of the fast, I read through "Unfriend Yourself" By Kyle Tennant. It's a short read. You find it here on  Amazon.

The fast and the questions raised by the book got me thinking. The conclusions drawn by the author were rather lukewarm. In the end, he keeps doing Facebook and advises using it in moderation. I was hoping for something a little more radical. "Use it in moderation" lacks the romance of "Down with the Evil Empire!" But I will probably keep my Facebook account as well, so what can I say?

I have known several people over the years have quit Facebook at some point, usually on strong moral grounds. Most of them are back on. Is there really a moral issue to social networking? Is it just their resistance to change, their discomfort with the rapid development of technology? Or is there something inherently wrong with the world we have created and the way we have learned to relate to each other online?

Tennant correctly points our in his book that the setting of social media is designed to promote ourselves. Never before have we had the opportunity to dress up our lives in such a way. We have always been able to put on the right clothes and try to say the right things. But Facebook (and similar media) give us the power to create an image. We pick the best pictures for our profile. We like the things we want people to associate with us (whether or not we actually like them). We post the good things, the clever things. We don't have to mention anything that might make us look bad. Facebook never created sections in the profile for "Common Vices," "Failed Relationships," or "Emotional Baggage." Facebook can be a lot like building a  beautiful statue... of ourselves, an idol to present to others for the worship of "likes."

The key barrier of building relationships is getting past image we put up of ourselves to impress others. We don't know others or allow ourselves to be known. We all have dirt under our nails and skeletons in our closet, but we try the our best to keep them hidden. The more distance we keep between ourselves and others, the better we keep this image in place. Social media creates an environment for keeping people at arms length. We gravitate toward Facebook precisely because it keeps us from the pain and vulnerability of authentic communion with others.

I have concluded a few things from this weekend. Feel free to glean any wisdom that may apply to you. I have a deep personal struggle with pride. I keep people at arms length. I live to keep up a gleaming image of myself, afraid that if people know the real me, they wouldn't like me. Facebook has been helping me feed the lie of perfection. Can I use Facebook to be more authentic? Maybe. But I think I will be more authentic the less time I spend there.

Social Networking has its place. If you're trying to promote yourself, write a book, start a business,or  raise funds for a cause - Facebook and the like can help you. Use it. If you're trying to post as many memes of cats as possible, please stop, it's getting old. If you're trying to build relationships, invite someone to coffee or a meal, write a letter(with paper and ink), or pick up the phone and call them. I'm going to try spending a little more time this week doing the later.

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